do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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