Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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