Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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