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I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
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