The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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