i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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