Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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