in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
In America we eat man semen.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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