My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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