the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize