her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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