I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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