im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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