I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize