I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ugly people sure do ruin things
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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