We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize