I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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