Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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