my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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