I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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