i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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