I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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