Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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