dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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