i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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