...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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