dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize