I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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