I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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