i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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