Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize