I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sex in a hospital.. check
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize