tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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