He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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