Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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