Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize