final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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