Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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