Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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