No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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