Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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