you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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