I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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