God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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