sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize