it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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