Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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