Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think i got beer on your cat.
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