Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize