And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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